It’s been 3 weeks since the hubster and I began repairing our 10.5-year relationship. Christ, it was hard going at first.
Separate sofas, scared for our skin to touch in our massive bed…still not comfortable phoning each other in the day to say hi, heaven forbid one of us would ask the other where they were going or what time they would be home.
Then there was the teenager. “oh, he’s back then”. The nearly 15-year-old had to stand down as man of the house and his mums right hand man to make way for a man he had stopped calling Dad, who he hadn’t so much as spoken to for nearly a month.
It was fucking horrible.
People asked how I felt and I knew I was supposed to say, “so happy, so glad we’re back together”. Yet all I could muster was “yeah its ok”. To be honest, I think people wondered what the hell we were doing.
The elephant in the room was my redundancy. Three weeks before we got back together, I’d been made redundant, totally out of the blue. I’m a very ambitious young (nearly middle aged?) lady. Without my career, I was lost. Who the hell was I? I was still the teenagers mum. But I wasn’t my husband’s wife. I wasn’t anyone’s Head of Marketing. I was a total failure 4 months before I turned 36 – heading to 40 with a life in tatters.
Yet weirdly, and maybe it was what we needed, the hubster was there. I become vulnerable – possibly for the first time in long time, he felt I needed him. Not financially at that point, just emotionally. We stopped arguing and began enjoying each other’s company. We still weren’t talking about the issues, we were forgetting them, and without realising, we were going back a decade and remembering why we put in all the effort of a 50-mile distance relationship in the first place.
We blocked out the outside world for a bit and spent time just us, sometimes not even talking, just being there. When we did see friends, old and new, we weren’t the same couple. There was no negativity. We were there because we wanted to be. Sounds odd, but that was a new feeling.
In the last 10 days, the teenager has begun calling him Dad again. The cuddles before bed have returned. The shaking of hands is back. The4 hubster isn’t saying no to everything the boy asks for – little things…”can I grab the iPad” …”Can I stay out til 10.30”?
This weekend the hubster and I were in our house with a friend, it was late (it was 4am!) but we were chatting about our relationship and he said how proud he was of me. I haven’t fallen apart (yet) and he can see that I’ve changed – in fact, his words “She’s been amazing”. He looked happy. If you knew him, you’d know that’s an odd sight – he has one of those stubble ridden moody little faces at times.
So, we’re riding this wave, and we seem to be surfing pretty well right now. I’ve even managed to write this whilst on my period, no tears, no disappointment – see, things really have changed.